id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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