I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
kristin has been a bad kristin
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
