I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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