I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
