If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
