sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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