You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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