why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
