I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
