I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
