At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
