i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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