Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
