Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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