What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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