So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
