There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
