WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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