How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
