The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
