Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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