To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
