So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
