Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
