I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
