She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
