i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
two words: eviction party
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
