i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
