Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
