never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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