I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
