her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
