we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Boobs are out for the taking
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
