I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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