In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
