I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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