I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
