I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
