We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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