Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
