i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
vagina is talking i cant
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
