I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
