i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
