so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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