i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
