I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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