All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im six kinds of drunk right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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