We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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