I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
