That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
